The 6 Stages of Change: Why Real Transformation Is Never “One and Done”
- Feb 17
- 6 min read
There’s a psychological model called the 6 Stages of Change.
It’s used in behavioural therapy and addiction recovery, but it applies to almost every area of our lives, particularly in midlife, when it feels as if life is changing daily.
Committing to regular workouts. Eating in a way that supports your metabolism. Changing a relationship dynamic. Reducing alcohol.
Most women assume change is a decision.
It isn’t.
It’s a cycle, and your brain is wired to resist it.
Not because you’re weak, but because your brain’s primary job is safety. It's part of our evolution, as staying in the familiar is what kept us safe thousands of years ago. Certainty and a sense of safety kept us from being eaten by animals and kept us close to our tribe. Uncertainty meant death. Our brain has not kept pace with the modern world. It lives in a world of iPhone 5, while we exist in a world of iPhone 17.
Our brain feels safe in familiarity and will cling to it at all costs.
Even if that familiar place is uncomfortable, or actually doing us long-term damage.
So if you regularly berate yourself for not being able to “stick” to something, even when you know it’s good for you, I want you to understand the, 'Stages of Change' and how this is playing out in your life.
This isn’t about being disciplined or undisciplined. Good or bad. Right or wrong
You are not broken.
It's about understanding that change is a cycle, not a straight line.
It's about awareness. Seeing where you are removes shame.
And when shame drops, forward movement becomes possible again.
1. Pre-Contemplation
“I’m fine.”
At this stage, nothing needs to change. Or so it feels.
Workouts: “I’m just busy. I don’t have time to start strength training.”
Eating: “This is just how my body is now.”
Relationships: “It’s not that bad.”
Alcohol: “Everyone drinks like this.”
There’s no intention to change because awareness hasn’t fully landed.
Your brain protects you here. It keeps things stable. Predictable. Known.
The familiar may not feel good, but it feels safe.
2. Contemplation
“Something isn’t working.”
Now awareness starts to creep in.
Workouts: “I feel weaker than I used to.”
Eating: “My energy crashes every afternoon.”
Relationships: “I feel unheard.”
Alcohol: “I don’t like how I feel the next day.”
This stage is uncomfortable because you’re between worlds.
You see the issue, but you also see the effort required to change it. This feels unfamiliar and unknown, even if you know it would be 'better'.
Your brain starts negotiating.“Maybe it’s not that bad.”“Maybe next month.”
This is where the question begins to form:
What hurts?
And then, more importantly: What hurts more, staying here, or changing?
That tension is what will eventually move you forward. Your level of discomfort becomes too much in your current situation, even if it is familiar.
3. Preparation
“I’m going to do something.”
This feels productive.
Workouts: You buy the dumbbells and gym gear. You join an online strength training membership.
Eating: You download a meal plan. You clear out the cupboards of sugar.
Relationships: You look up a therapist. You rehearse a conversation in your head.
Alcohol: You decide to “cut back during the week.”
Preparation feels good because you’re still in control. You haven’t disrupted your identity yet.
But preparation without action can become a comfort zone.
The brain loves planning. It doesn’t love discomfort.
4. Action
“I’m actually doing it.”
Now things get real.
Workouts: You train twice a week consistently.
Eating: You eat protein at every meal and start filling your trolley with more whole foods.
Relationships: You start having the difficult conversations, supported by a therapist
Alcohol: You skip the wine on a Friday.
This is where resistance rises because now you're acting differently.
Your brain doesn’t yet recognise this version of you as “safe.”
You may feel exposed and unsure. You will also not see the benefits yet, even though you are making these huge behavioural changes in your life.
You're now stretching beyond the familiar.
5. Maintenance
“This is becoming part of me.”
This is where repetition starts to wire new pathways.
Workouts: Working out becomes something you do automatically. It’s scheduled. It’s non-negotiable. You are now a woman who trains regularly.
Eating: Balanced meals feel normal, not restrictive. You feel more energised, and the sugar cravings have calmed down. Eating well becomes a part of every meal.
Relationships: You are comfortable with difficult conversations and setting boundaries because you can see the benefits.
Alcohol: Not drinking feels easier than drinking.
But this is the important part: you're still not fully integrated.
Your old identity is still there, knocking. The familiar still feels comfortable.
This stage requires conscious reinforcement.
This is where having some quiet, self-care practices that give you space to reflect can help to consolidate and integrate these changes more fully into your psyche. Reflection helps you become aware of what drives you. Why are these changes important to you
Journaling helps you see patterns. Meditation helps you regulate your nervous system.
Deep change isn't just changing our behaviours. It's emotional regulation. It's getting comfortable with both truly knowing yourself and choosing yourself. It's deciding you want better, and that's ok
6. Relapse
“I’ve slipped.”
This is not failure.
It's biology meeting stress.
Workouts stop when life gets chaotic.
Old comfort eating patterns return under pressure.
You tolerate behaviour you said you wouldn’t put up with.
You overdrink at a difficult event.
Why?
Because under stress, we lean toward the familiar.
The familiar feels safe. Even if it no longer serves us.
But here’s the critical insight:
Relapse often happens because your new identity isn’t fully integrated yet.
You are still rehearsing it.
The women who change long-term aren’t the ones who never relapse.
They are the ones who recognise the stage they’re in and re-enter the cycle without shame.
Relapse → Contemplation → Preparation → Action again.
Each loop strengthens the new pathway.
It's also important to remember that each relapse will become shorter and shorter until you reach the maintenance stage, because the change has now become part of your new identity.
So, the trick is not berating ourselves when we relapse. It's to understand that it's part of the process. This awareness will move you through the 'Stages of Change faster each time until we reach a point of permanent maintenance.
Workouts happen without much planning.
Your trolley looks the same each week, with food that nourishes you rather than inflames you.
Your relationship feels calmer because you know how to express yourself and feel heard. You also know how to listen.
Alcohol has either gone altogether or plays a minimal role.
Why It’s Not “One and Done”
Lasting change in midlife is layered.
You cannot white-knuckle your way into a new life.
You have to actively want more for yourself.
Better health. Better boundaries. Better emotional regulation.
Better standards for how you are treated.
That requires awareness, and awareness takes time.
The Real Question
Instead of asking:
“Why can’t I stick to anything?”
Ask:
Which stage am I in?
And then ask:
What hurts more: staying here or moving forward?
Because when the pain of staying the same outweighs the discomfort of growth, action becomes inevitable.
This is when real change happens repeatedly.
Until the unfamiliar becomes your new normal.
So, Where Are You?
Are you still contemplating? Preparing? Or are you actually ready to move into action?
Because action without structure quickly becomes relapse.
And maintenance only happens when repetition is built in.
That’s exactly why I created the 6-Month Signature Strength Series inside my membership.
You’re still on a flexible month-to-month plan. But now there’s a clear pathway:
Start with the 8-Week Beginner Series if you’re new, or move straight into a structured 6-week block designed to keep you progressing.
Six weeks is long enough to build strength. Long enough to feel change. Long enough to shift identity.
This isn’t random workouts.
It’s a system built around training for life, for bone density, muscle mass, weight loss, metabolic health, and confidence.
If you’re ready to move from thinking about change to actually living it, join us below.
This is a workout system with daily accountability in my WhatsApp group.
I'm in the group Monday to Friday with other like-minded women who want more for themselves and are also all moving through the stages of change.
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