Almost Every Woman Gets This Wrong About Weight Loss

Oct 1
4 min read

For me, both personally and professionally, as a personal trainer, bodyweight has never been the sole marker of success. But I also recognise how deeply ingrained the number on the scale is for so many women. Most women, actually. It becomes a goalpost, a measure they've lived with for so long that ignoring it completely isn’t realistic. So, instead, I use it as a starting point, but with a healthier reframe.

When a woman tells me her goal weight, more often than not, the number she shares is surprisingly low. I’ll then ask, 'What does that number mean to you?' Why that weight? And almost every time, the answer is the same: 'Because that’s what I weighed when I was 30… or 35'. In other words, 15-20 years ago.

The fact of the matter is, chasing that number usually means only one thing: extreme calorie restriction, hours of training, and a lifestyle that leaves you exhausted, socially withdrawn, and constantly at war with your body. Yes, you might squeeze into those old jeans for a fleeting moment but it won’t last, and it won’t feel the way you imagined.

That’s when I encourage them to pause, reflect, and choose a new number, one that feels good for the woman they are now, is sustainable, and supports their health and happiness today.

Weight loss is more than just the number on the scales.

5kg Heavier Is Often the Reality

Most women don’t realise that their sustainable, healthy, liveable weight in midlife is often about 5kg higher than the “dream weight” they’ve been holding onto from decades ago.

That difference is small enough that no one else will notice, but it’s big enough to change everything for you. It means:

You can train consistently without burning out.
You can enjoy food and social occasions without constant anxiety.

This now becomes about training and eating for life, rather than following fad diets and training with a beginning and an end.

In fact, those extra 5kg usually translate into a body that looks and feels better, stronger muscles, healthier skin, steadier mood, and far more confidence than the smaller, exhausted version of you at your lowest weight ever could.

Why Numbers Alone Don’t Work

The scale gives you data, but it doesn’t tell the whole story. A single number can’t capture the quality of your sleep, the strength in your muscles, or the energy you have in your day.

If you’ve ever dieted your way down to a target weight, you’ll know this. You might celebrate for a week or two, but if the process was miserable, unsustainable, or left you feeling fragile, that number won’t hold any meaning for long.

Numbers can serve as a reference point, but they should never become the whole story.

Redefining Success Beyond the Scale

Instead of chasing an old version of yourself, redefine success as the life you want to live now. That might look like:

Managing stressful situations with greater ease.
Deeper sleep and waking up feeling refreshed.
Having more energy throughout the day.
Not feeling hungry all the time with regular sugar crashes.
Feeling calmer and more in control of your choices around food and drink.

This kind of success is deeply personal, but it will have a much bigger and more positive impact that will ricochet into every area of your life.

Training for the Long Game

Strength training and weight management in midlife aren’t about quick fixes, they’re about the next 10, 20, and 30 years of your life. Training for the long game means building habits and routines that you can carry with you, not ones that burn you out.

This approach shifts your mindset from “How quickly can I get back to my old weight?” to “How can I create the healthiest, strongest version of myself for the years ahead?”

When you train for the long game, you stop chasing unsustainable extremes. You start focusing on steady progress, protecting your joints, maintaining bone density, and keeping your metabolism efficient. These are the things that will give you independence, confidence, and quality of life as you age and are far more valuable than any short-term number on the scale.

What to Focus On Instead Of Just Weight Loss

If you truly want results that last, stop measuring only in kilos and start paying attention to how you feel:

Stress: Is your nervous system calm, or are you constantly running on adrenaline?
Rest: Are you giving yourself time to recover, or do you wake up already depleted?
Sleep: Is it deep and restorative, or broken and restless?
Strength: Are you getting stronger over time, or stuck in the same cycle of dieting?
Muscle: How much lean muscle are you carrying? Because this is what will determine how well you age, from bone health to metabolism to independence in later life.